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On the 4th of July, we went to a BBQ with friends and family for the first time in two years. We had a lot of fun getting to catch up and see the fireworks. And as always when people gather together, they ask questions about how you’re doing or what is going on in your life.
I’ve never tried to keep it a secret that I homeschool my son. Since the start of the pandemic homeschooling and distance learning have exploded in popularity. Add to that the near constant news of school shootings and bomb scares, and it’s no wonder more and more parents are deciding not to send their children to brick and mortar schools. But I still run into the occasional person who has strong feelings against homeschooling and I find myself sharing my “why”.
I personally love to hear the why’s of other parents who have decided to homeschool. It’s incredibly validating to hear that I’m not alone in this decision. I also feel that homeschooling is not for everyone, nor is traditional schooling. What works for us might not work for you, but that doesn’t mean either one of us is better or worse. “Whatever works” is our household model.
Our why is a little more complicated than some. My son started preschool when he was 3, and only 2 weeks after he began attending the COVID breakout came and all the schools switched to distance learning. First we thought it would only be for a month, then three months, but it ended up being for the entire school year, the summer, and half of the following year.
So for that period of time, I became extremely involved in what my son was doing in school. I had to sit next to him at the computer to make sure he attended. I sung and danced to the music. I sat beside him while he did his homework activities. I saw how over and over again my boy was struggling to be heard amongst his classmates.
Our kiddo is on the autism spectrum. In past generations he would be diagnosed with “Aspergers” or “high functioning autism”, but those are outdated definitions and so we simply say he’s on the spectrum. His biggest challenges are his speech and the fact that, like me, he is incredibly shy. His soft voice was easily drowned out by his more rambunctious classmates, and many times the teacher would have to skip over him to address those that spoke louder and clearer.
Then, after he graduated preschool and moved on to kindergarten, schools reopened to in-person instruction, and Kiddo was placed in a special education class. At first I thought everything was fine, but I felt uncomfortable with how little feedback I was getting from the teacher on how he was doing, and I noticed my son was talking less at home and starting to have more temper tantrums. I chalked it up to a major change in his routine and kept soldiering on.
That is, until I started to see bruising on his arms and legs, and one of the other moms reported that her son came home with bite marks on his arm.
After some investigating and observing the class a few times, I discovered that the class Kiddo was in wasn’t just for the kids with “mild” autism, but also for the “moderate” and “severe”. I learned that a number of the kids where having aggressive episodes and two in particular were fighting like wild animals; biting, kicking, and screaming at each other and any other person who came too close whether it be adult or child. The teacher and her assistant were so busy trying to control these two that the other students were being neglected, and Kiddo was left sitting in front of the television watching Mickey Mouse on multiple occasions.
I banded together with the other mothers and we all approached the principle. But instead of addressing the problem, he told each of us to schedule an IEP (individual education plan) meeting and we could bring up our concerns there. This is completely legal, except then the teacher and principal began to drag their feet on scheduling the meetings; ignoring emails and voice-mails until another two weeks had passed without anything being scheduled.
The mothers and I were growing more furious by the day. Kiddo was beginning to have more aggressive outbursts at home and he was no longer interested in many of the things that had brought him joy before. So the next step we took was the confront the superintendent of our school district. Unfortunately, we were met with the same treatment from them. Phone calls and emails were never answered, he was never in his office when we came in person, and every individual I contacted would pass me off to someone else who could “help me” only to meet a dead end.
After 3 weeks, I’d finally had enough. Throughout this debacle, Mr. Alias and I had been trying to find a different school we could take Kiddo to. But the enrollment period for private schools was over, and all the other public schools were at capacity. We began bouncing the idea of homeschooling around and trying to figure out how we could pull it off. And that’s when I found the HSLDA.
The Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) is a non-profit advocacy organization that makes homeschooling possible by protecting homeschooling families and equipping them to provide the best educational experience for their children. Their website has all the information you need to learn about the laws in your state, what options you have available to you, and step by step guides on how to take your child out of the public school systems and establish your own home based school. And for a small fee, I was able to have a lawyer contact the principal of the school and inform them that Kiddo was no longer attending there, effective immediately.
The school instantly changed its tune, with teachers and administration reaching out to me to schedule meetings and trying to convince me not to take my son out. I should note that, because my son is autistic, he is insured through the state and so the public school was getting paid to teach and provide speech therapy services. But at this point it was too little, too late. I picked my crying son up from school and we’ve never darkened their halls again.
So that’s our “why”. I hope you’ll stay tuned to see what we did after this, and how our first year of homeschooling went. If you’ve decided to homeschool your child(ren), I would love to hear your “why” down in the comments!
